I Can See Clearly Now

My mom and I have a special connection. 

I don't think it's because I'm her baby (I am the youngest of five children) or that there is anything more special about me than any of my siblings, but I think we have an understanding of each other now that was never there in my teenage years.

My tumultuous teenage years--particularly the years between 13-16--were years of strain and yes, sometimes even hatred, for my mother.  Of course, looking back now, I realize that it was never really "hate" in the strictest sense, but a hatred for who she was and what she did, or didn't do.  I was seemingly always in conflict with her.  Mom was not very affectionate with me during that time.  And I can't say that I blame her.

I could go into details here about the things that widened the chasm between us or tell you many individual stories about the different events as I remember them, but that's not the purpose of this essay.  I've spent enough time in therapy and with my private journals which can be examined at a later date.

What I'd like to do is to write about what my relationship with my mother is like now.

We don't see eye-to-eye on many things.  And I'm sure that is the case with many mother/son, mother/daughter relationships.  But we seem to have a respect for one another that was never present in my life as I was growing up.  I don't always understand where she is coming from but I can see her point of view so much more clearly now.  I can also see how her worldview was shaped as she came through the experience of an entirely different generation.  I can see that her religious indoctrination played a huge part in who she became and I can see how her small town values were shaped as well.  Life was very different where and when my mother grew up.  I have grown to respect that and to respect and love her as well.