Pain Management

 A Course in Miracles has been an invaluable resource for me, spiritually speaking. If you read the previous four-part essay on my personal journey you can see how its impact has reverberated through the years. It's a continual learning process and I've not "mastered" any of it. But to really grasp it and its lovely message isn't rocket science. There have been periods where I'm in complete awe of the shift in perception that moments of awareness and clarity have granted me. I'm extremely grateful for those and I hope to continue to extend them as I also continue to teach and learn.

There is, however, one consistently challenging truth that I'm certain is indeed true and real but oh so difficult to grasp in the midst of perceived physical pain. First, let me be clear that I've never been good with pain. I can remember moments in childhood where even the smallest painful episode could immobilize me and have me crying in quite dramatic agony. This was clearly not only physical pain that I was suffering but also deep psychic pain that perhaps manifested physiologically from time to time. Whatever it was I didn't deal with it well. Moving into adulthood, periods of sickness would leave me bedridden and feeling helpless--even with the common cold. 

It came as no surprise when I suffered severe physical trauma after undergoing a trio of operations (literally to save my life) in 2016 that I became heavily dependent on available medicines and pharmaceutical approaches to managing the resultant chronic pain. To report that I became addicted to pain medicines might be a bit strong but dependent seems appropriate since the prescriptions would run their course and I did not seek out street heroin as a solution. The pain did return, however, and the persistent ongoing struggle with it made each day a challenge. I tried holistic remedies. I tried using non-prescription drugs that were available but nothing worked. Depression typically followed as pain management doctors' hands were tied--due to the raging opioid epidemic sweeping the nation by that time. Trust me, I wasn't seeking out medications for a thrill or "high"...I simply wanted to make the pain go away. I was on my own. Or so I thought.

There is a Workbook lesson in the Course (190) that tells me "pain is a wrong perspective." What exactly does that mean? Well, the Course is consistent and never contradicts itself. One of the primary attractions for me is its complete unambiguity. Since I'm really not this body, could pain be real? Pain is "self-deception" and "not a fact at all." Yeah, try telling that to someone with 3rd degree burns or several broken ribs. Digging deeper, however, it tells me that ultimately, my mind (or spirit) is real and eternal. My body is not. Is it so crazy to think that if I mastered this thought as my reality it would be impossible to experience pain...in any form? Well, I'm not there yet. But I can share an experience that gave me a window--brief as it was--to the reality of this concept.

It happened a few weeks ago. I've since only shared this with a few people and now I'm about to share it with thousands. I was having a particularly difficult morning not only with my ongoing hernia and GI difficulties but also with an accompanying raging headache. Doing my morning meditation/prayer seemed more like a chore than a refreshing start but I didn't want to lose my momentum. I'd been doing so well it seemed. But this was a difficult morning. So I tried best I could to find a comfortable position to meditate. As usual, I used the Workbook lesson for the day  as source material for my guided thoughts. What was this? Really? The lesson title was "Only my condemnation injures me" (198) and it didn't sound very soothing. I read on however: "Only my condemnation injures me. Only my own forgiveness sets me free.  Do not forget today that there can be no form of suffering that fails to hide an unforgiving thought. Nor can there be a form of pain forgiveness cannot heal." As I shifted my thoughts to forgiveness I began to feel less pain. It's remarkable really. The moment was fleeting but it was a glimpse of reality. The hernia pain, the gut pain and even the headache just evaporated. As I journey through the Course I realize that I am constantly deciding what I want to learn when I want to learn it. Each time I make that decision I realize that I am Whole, Complete and Perfect. I am truly not a body. I am free.

Did my day continue without pain? No. Have I had several pain-wracked days since this experience? Yes. But...for a fleeting number of minutes (I have no idea how long it actually lasted) I had zero pain. It was real. And it offers hope to anyone who appears to suffer deep physical or emotional pain. I'm pretty convinced this is what Jesus actually did when he healed people. He just convincingly reminded them--with total non-judgmental, unconditional love--who they really were and they were actually healed. The Miracle was real. 

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world that has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. ...And so again we make the only choice that can ever be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven. Let our gratitude unto our Teacher fill our hearts, as we are free to choose our joy instead of pain, our holiness in place of sin, the peace of God instead of conflict, and the light of Heaven for the darkness of the world."  

(Workbook, lesson 190)