"This is the only thing that you need to do for vision, happiness, release from pain and the complete escape from sin, all to be given you. Say only this but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:
I am responsible for what I see.
(Text, page 448)
The names of the collaborators (Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford) are nowhere found in the books that make up the three volume set of A Course in Miracles nor are they heavily publicized elsewhere in ACIM literature and few if any of the numerous ACIM followers' books will you see these names. Beyond Marianne Williamson, some of the earlier writers (among them Jerry Jampolsky and Hugh Prather) and a few other notable names, there is what seems like a whole new roster of ACIM writers out there who materialized long after my introduction to The Course. But regarding the source material itself, very few of these writers mention Helen or Bill. Why is this? The Preface to ACIM actually answers that question. According to the writer of the Preface, "The names of the collaborators in the recording of the Course do not appear on the cover because the Course can and should stand on its own. It is not intended to become the basis for another cult. Its only purpose is to provide a way in which some people will be able to find their own Internal Teacher." (Preface, page viii)
One of my earliest journal entries after I "discovered" the Course had me reassuring myself that I'd not "joined a cult" as I was leery of anything that had cultish undertones. The late 1970s and early 80s were prime periods for what became a pretty popular business of "deprogrammers" who parents would hire to try and persuade their grown (and sometimes minor) children to leave any number of organizations that had gained great popularity--such as the Unification Church (Moonies) or Hare Krishna (satirized comically as popping out of corners at any airport selling incense and pamphlets) which had a reputation of "kidnapping" these impressionable young folks. I knew that ACIM was about as far from that as could be. I also knew that it would impact my life forever.
But it stayed on my bookshelf for long periods between numerous spiritual adventures and a brief flirtation with agnosticism and even atheism. By 2016, having been married for not even an entire year, my whole life was flipped upside down when results from a perforated bowel surgery put me at death's door and awarded me a nearly three-month hospital stay. Recovering from laparoscopic surgery just a few days before the incident, the emergency abdominal washout was extremely invasive and has left both physical and emotional scars. It was necessary, however, to save my life. After coming out of the powerful anesthesia, the pain that racked my body (and this was pain experienced while dosed with very powerful pain medication) had me convinced that I was on the way out. I was angry and scared as I lay on that hospital bed. I have no idea how I did it but I managed to make a phone call to the church where we'd all become parishioners. Mom liked that church so much. The on-call "priest" was actually a deacon and one that I didn't find comforting in any sense. I don't even recall what he suggested beyond praying with me but he didn't even offer to come to the hospital to see me. There was some noting of the late hour. But no one ever showed up. And I guess that's my point. I was at the very deepest level of fear and just wanting to give my soul or spirit some assurance and none was provided. Did I even think about the Course? I can't recall. But I did think a lot about it once I was back home and on the road to recovery. I know that my survival was a miracle and I'm sure that I was given this extra time to review my life and really examine my relationship with A Course in Miracles.
Mom's death in 2018 hit me hard. But by the time it happened I had already been using infrequent readings from ACIM as well as some other special volumes for daily meditation and prayer. Mom and I both loved to read from a little volume called God Calling and I had a few other rotating daily devotionals, namely Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach and Pocketful of Miracles by Joan Borysenko. All of these materials are designed to be used as daily meditation guides so they're formatted with short meditations for each day of the year. Those two particular authors quote generously from the Course.The Workbook of ACIM can be used in this way too as it includes 365 lessons and the reader is encouraged to do one a day or even take longer--as long as no more than one a day is attempted. Slowly, I integrated the Workbook into my daily meditation/prayer time and it has stayed with me. I don't think I'd attempted the lessons since the mid 1990s after an earlier attempt in 1985--shortly after I purchased the set. I don't know how I would have dealt with mom's passing without exposure to this material once again. I needed the ultimate comfort that it provides as it explains death of the body in such clear, unambiguous language and it also explains the eternal nature of Spirit in equally unambiguous language.
There have been a few more deaths since that time. Each one has been met with this knowledge, this reassuring Voice that is with me always. And it's not just death it helps me with. It's life. Life as I'm choosing to experience it. Each day brings new opportunities for choosing between two things and that choice can be applied to anything because our choices fall under one column or the other. Is it love or fear? Which one will I choose at this very moment? When I choose fear, I'm listening to the ego. The world of the ego is scary! It's the world of suffering, withering and eventually dying. The world of love is permanent. It is--unlike the world of fear--forgiving, comforting and eternally good. I have this choice every moment, as we all do. I still choose fear often. But I'm getting so much better at making the better choice. And the Course assures me that at some point there will be no choice because ultimately there is no choice. We were already "given everything when [we] were created." (Text, page 11)
In September of 2022 I spent two weeks in Southern California at my godmother's house petsitting while she went to Hawaii. It was while there in Hermosa Beach that I contacted a person listed as the facilitator of a Course in Miracles discussion group back in Atlanta listed on the MeetUp app. We spoke by phone for nearly half an hour. Her name was Clarice and she sounded like someone I wanted to know better. In fact, the group sounded like a good place to share thoughts about the Course with others. It certainly couldn't hurt to try. I was kind of bummed that they only met via ZOOM and it had been that way since the pandemic. But it did make the ease of attending a group session appealing. Ever since, I've been rewarded greatly by having a wonderful, rotating group of many other seekers who come from every background and all have different stories about how and when they came to the Course. Joining a group to chat about ACIM isn't a prerequisite nor is it necessary as anyone can benefit simply by reading the material on his or her own. But it has been nice to share my thoughts with others.
When we moved to Mexico last year I was careful to pack my trusty old three-volume set of ACIM with all it's earmarked yellowed pages and heavily highlighted sections. I noticed that I still had an address label in the front from one of the first places I lived when I moved to Texas. I had no idea how to prepare for living here but I knew that I had to have it with me. Within just a couple weeks, I knew why.
(continued)
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